I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
