There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
