TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
