I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
