On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
