i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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