dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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