I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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