He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
