Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
