was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
