Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
