Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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