he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
