Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
