Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
