is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I think my fart just growled at me.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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