I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
