I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
