I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
