It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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