I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
