i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
