"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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