she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
