i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
