Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
