Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
