my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
