census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
