I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
