Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
