Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
