I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
