She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
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