Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
