do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
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you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
