so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
