i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
