ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
