I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
