Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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