He kissed a someone with a penis
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
