you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
