Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
