He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
