Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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