My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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