Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
