12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
